Insecure

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Guys. I am so, completely, utterly, 100% not qualified for this. I’m crazy unorganized, I like results more than “the journey”, I have things to say, but who really wants to hear them? I’m sitting in Starbucks right now scared senseless. For real. I care far too much what other people think of me instead of reminding myself how HE thinks of me. If you were sitting here with me, you would probably laugh at me as I squirm in my chair, trying to adjust my laptop so people can’t see what I’m doing (or how poorly I’m doing it #technilogicallyimparied). I’m so afraid people will look at me and think, “why on earth is she standing up? Who does she think she could possibly reach? She looks like such an idiot…” For. Real.

But here I am. Trying to stand in the calling God has for me. Trying to stand up and be heard. Trying to make an impact. In a world so saturated with some seriously amazing bloggers, it’s hard to feel like I could have a place among them. It’s hard to imagine being “seen”. While I tend to be insecure by nature, I also know that there is a very real enemy feeding me these lies of “not good enough,” “don’t try,” “it’s not worth it”, the list goes on and on. Fill in the blank and I’ve probably thought it-or believed it. I’m really good at telling others to face their personal demons. I’m not as good at doing it. But I’m ready to move forward. I’m ready to fight this fight. Because my story is worth it. And so is yours.

Ya’ll, I have seen some hard times. Really, really, really hard times. You can read a little bit about that here.  And I refuse to stand by and let the short lives my boys lived be in vain. I refuse to let them not make the biggest possible impact. I refuse to let the enemy win. Give me grace as I figure this out, as I stand and commit. I’m so excited, but honestly, I’m really, really scared. Being vulnerable, honest, real-those things aren’t my strong suit. I like living in a world where people think I’m super strong and can handle (on my own, thank you very much) whatever life throws my way. But that kind of living is a lie, and I won’t stand for it any longer. I can’t do it by myself. You can’t do it by yourself. None of us can. I’ve learned some hard lessons along the way. I still have so much learning to do. But hey, let’s share with one another. Let’s share all these things that we have learned. Let’s get honest, real, raw with one another. Life lived together is life worth living. Thanks for tagging along on my journey. I can’t wait to see what it has in store.

 

P.S.-this picture of my girls is what I strive for. To spin around with the people I love in complete, and utter joy-not caring what the world around me thinks. It’s amazing how they inspire me.

7 thoughts on “Insecure

  1. Me too Lindsay! I struggle with this EVERY day! But you are right, God keeps tapping. He keeps saying this is what I have created you for. He reminds me “Whatever I lack, He WILL make up the rest.” But how? I still don’t have an answer. Cheering you on lady! I can’t wait to see what he does with the lives of your boys! They were completely on purpose and for a purpose. You have a friend and a cheerleader here in me!
    And yes! I want to be The carefree twirling girls I watch every day too! To get back to that! My soul would soar and rest in his amazing love and grace. #lifegoals

    PS can you teach me how to blog?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lindsay, you are a beautiful and strong young woman. Never doubt yourself and remember “what others think of us is none of our business.” Continue to be exactly who you are, worry less about what others think and focus on yourself and your beautiful family. Play Happy Hippo every chance you get! MUCH LOVE, Sherri

    Liked by 1 person

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